I'm an Introvert...Sort of

Years ago I would have told you that I am an extrovert. No questions asked. No doubt about it. Then life happened. I married a man who controlled who I talked to, who I was allowed to spend time with (other than himself), and I lost contact with all of my friends save one. I wasn't even supposed to be friends with my co-workers.

Once we separated and started our divorce process I went to the complete extreme, just because I could. I still didn't have more friends necessarily, more close friends I should say, but I made myself go out and go to parties because there was no one holding me back. When our divorce became official, I began to settle down. I even bought a house in my own name, and treasured that it was mine.

That's when my mental illness came to the forefront.

Previously I was experiencing a bipolar high cycle. I was completely manic. Now I began to experience the low. The depression, self-imposed isolation, constant need to sleep, and even leaving my job. I withdrew from almost everyone and, when I became manic depressive, experienced my first psychotic break.

From this point on my social anxiety had reached an all time high and it took everything I had just to be in public and go to a part-time job. I ended up working from home because leaving the house became too stressful. I haven't had a job outside of my house and have willingly declined invitations to any type of party or gathering for the past three years.

Today, I chose to go and talk to the new neighbors. I have made friends with all of the surrounding houses, and I even accepted an invitation to go out hiking in a large group with people I barely know. ...and I'm actually excited to go. I'm not saying I'm not still an introvert, but I think I'm beginning to enjoy contact with other people again.

It's a strange sensation, after being as much of a hermit as possible for the past few years, actually purposely reaching out for human contact. I'm glad that I am, though. It made me happy. Who knew?